It is interesting how the desire to be liked and loved can cause us to compromise our values. Of course, others can never "do" anything we don't allow or invite in some way, and this is important when we attempt to understand what happened in a situation.
I remember when I would be in the middle of my morning routine of getting dressed for work, and I would say things to myself such as, "Today is a great day," and "I am going to go in here and be nice." This was a ritualistic thought pattern because I had recognized that I was being met with resistance at work, and I wanted to do my part to become a better person. My position was director and instructor of a massage program. The work was rewarding, and I enjoyed being part of the journey of others becoming massage therapists and business-minded professionals. However, I soon found that people were not as interested in the development as I was, and eventually this caused a lot of sore spots among staff as well as students. During the course of any given day, one of my main duties would be to observe classes, either by coming by the class and simply capturing that moment in time, or it could be more formal, where I would sit in the class and simply watch and report for a period of time. This was also done to me as a teacher.
I love teaching, and I do well at it because I love it, so I always felt like, "Bring it on." Observation periods were my time to shine. My staff and many students did not feel as enthusiastic about being observed or being managed by me at all. The students and staff would feel like I was picking on them because I would be consistent in demanding excellence. The school had a dress code that was enforced because so many students looked far from professional; and it is a funny thing: no one cares to be professional until they themselves are being served by someone unprofessional. Then they lament that "people need to be more professional." For me, dress code tells me everything about your temperament and personality. Whatever the job, there are particular ways to present yourself, and if you do not dress the part, you simply cannot play it. That is true in theater and in business. There are a select and wonderful few that can do everything wrong in business, and people will still love them. In cases like this, there is a deeper energetic mastery at hand; and so, if it is not broke, don't fix it. In the case of the students in my department, they were in their own way eager and ready, but needed help. And while many understood where I was coming from, there were those who had no clue, and would have preferred that I left them alone; this included some staff. I knew that my approach was rubbing people the wrong way, so I would consistently reach out in person, e-mail, and text to request feedback, to reinforce that we were all on the same team, or just to say hello. There was not much response; people chose to grin and bear it. Each day, I would work with the ending goal in mind because we only had nine months to prepare each student, and for me that was no time at all.
There was to be no cell phone use in class because a cell phone ringing would bring a client out of deep relaxation. No food was allowed because it is unsanitary to touch people's bodies and then reach over and eat something; also, OSHA standards prohibited food and drink in our labs. Nails needed to be short and clean, and hair needed to be pulled back off of the face neatly. So when I would enter a room to observe, and students would be eating Cheetos, for example, in the work space, while the instructor received a massage and was half asleep, my attention to this activity would usually be interpreted as my fault for being hard on everyone. There were plenty of mishaps because, in reality, most students were not ready for this level of commitment; and most teachers wanted to do what they felt comfortable doing, which, in many cases meant taking the path of least resistance. For one hour each day, all the other department managers and I would attend a meeting that focused on the business aspects of the departments, and we were suffering. The plan of action was to examine the department protocols with a fine-toothed comb to determine where our flaws were, and fix them. That was an uncomfortable process for all of us, and ultimately I became aware that I do not ever want to manage people again. I will hire someone for this work should I need it. In the midst of trying to make changes, the fallout was spectacular, and one teacher in particular acted so much like a child in our interactions that I was dumbfounded. She was even observed behaving outlandishly (by other supervisors) and they dealt with her with kid gloves, almost like they were afraid to act accordingly. She should have been fired, but instead, they let me deal with it.
Meanwhile, I dealt with passive-aggressive attitudes from other staff members. During monthly staff meetings, I would ask, "How can I serve the team better?" or "What do you think needs to be done?" I would get minimal response in person, but the rumor mill delivered plenty of ideas. What I learned is that shit indeed rolls downhill. And while I was being told to implement processes that would yield results, in the department I was named the she-devil on the scene.
After an arduous experience and one instructor taking a stress leave because she refused to comply to a higher standard than her own, I eventually went to teach at another location for another year. During that time, I was encouraged to lead and to create a better outcome through detailed focus and consistency. This time, even the "knuckleheads" of my class understood it was a new day, and they tried to show up as professionals. The same issues of resistance showed themselves, and I dealt with them accordingly; but this time it was as if everyone understood what we were there for, and the fight against being better as therapists was almost nonexistent.
A wonderful friend told me to stop being a martyr, self-righteous and sanctimonious. LOL! I cracked up. I knew exactly what he was talking about. It's about the truth. I would always consider that my perceptions could be off, so I would never boldly say "this is this" or "that is that" because, after all, it's only my perception. However, there is absolutely a time to declare the facts about a situation and act from that point of truth. Most of the time it will be uncomfortable. The bad habits that I saw in class among students and staff were real, factual, public, and apparent. The biggest mistake I made was walking in "trying to be nice." Problem is, I already am nice, and was nice then, so while "trying to be nice" I consistently second-guessed my assessments, which led to compromise, thereby creating a personal hell for myself. Well, not that deep, but you get what I mean.
Recently, I needed to hire a group of therapists to work with me at an event. Although I know many massage therapists, most could not be considered because of their consistent unprofessional attitudes and behaviors. It was at this point that I took a moment to finally back myself up and support all of my decisions as a teacher, director, and professional. Here it was game time, and the proof was in the pudding. I couldn't hire them because they were not ready; they had not prepared, and therefore were not the caliber of therapists I could have represent me and my company. I taught from that perspective: being the best of the best. Not the greatest in the world, but better than most. I also led my team from that perspective. It was their own choice whether or not to follow. I did my part.
Living by the principles you know to be true in the face of uncertainty is powerful. When you know what it is, call it. Then continue. Let those who are not ready for the commitment of being and doing their best fall away from you. It only makes more room for those who are as serious as you.
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